About a year ago, We received a phone call that changed our lives. I will say more about that later, but for now I want you to understand that we received that call and the circumstance we are now walking through, as our answer to the prayer, “Lord, Whatever it takes to save him.” I even wrote in my journal months earlier, “Lord, we need a miracle. However it looks, I will trust you.” So when you pray like that and believe God will answer you, be ready for “whatever comes.” Gods ways are not our ways, but He is always good!

So in the early days after that call and a couple of flights across the country, to a place we were unfamiliar with at that time (but now feels like a second home), learning to navigate things we had no experience with, I realized that stress and fear were overtaking me. I could go through the days, adrenaline kept me functioning, I continued to wake up and spend time with God first, work, homeschool, teach a middle school girls Sunday Morning Bible study….Somehow God strengthened me and I didn’t stop. But at night, when I laid down to sleep I had to be still, it was dark, quiet, and that’s when the fear and anxiety overcame me. All the what if’s…..the unknowns……what’s going to happen……the heartbreak…..the financial mountain before us…..the grief……our lives would never be the same. And it hasn’t been the same, but I sit here today to tell you that God has done mighty and wonderful things for us in the middle of a place we would have never chosen. Our lives will never be the same and oh, how thankful I am…..I praise the Lord that we will never be the same!!! And I still believe, God is answering my prayers for a soul I love dearly to be redeemed, healed and used by God to bring many to Him. God is faithful to His promises!!! But His ways are not our ways. I’ve learned to trust Him. If fear and anxiety are attacking you, it’s time to go to war. It’s vital to your life in Christ!

So back to talking to myself. There’s so much I want to say about this and I will another time, but for today, I want to share with you how important it is to talk to yourself, instead of listening to yourself. Had I listened to myself in those overwhelming times of stress, anxiety and uncertainty, I would not have made it. I knew that I had to feed truth into my mind constantly to battle the lies, as well as the uncertainty and strain we were facing. Our lives were being shaken to the core and we had to know the Truth to be able to stand. So I created a playlist of songs and I named it, “Talking to Myself.” It’s just what came to me at the time. I filled that playlist full of songs that spoke truth and life, and reminded me of WHO God was and WHAT He can and will do when we take Him at His Word and BELIEVE Him. When the enemy threatened to overtake my mind with fears bigger than I had ever known, I fought back with Truth and Worship. Chuck and I chose to praise God where we were. We chose to give thanks and worship God in the midst of our circumstance. That right there made all the difference in our perspective of hard and is why we are still here today proclaiming the goodness of God. So, learn to talk to yourself instead of listening to yourself! What you think and believe makes all the difference in your relationship with Jesus and your ability to grow spiritually so that you can be fruitful and live in His abundance. God gets the glory when we live in Him and trust Him with whatever He allows into our lives. Remember, Without faith it is impossible to please God! ( Hebrews 11: 6). So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you WILL receive what He has promised. For in just a very little while, “He who is coming will come and not delay. But my righteous one will live by faith. And if he shrinks back, I will not be pleased with him.” But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved. ( Hebews 10: 35-39)

18 thoughts

    1. Thank you! I really had to work through some fear and trembling before I sat down to write. Chuck and I truly want God to be gloried as we share.

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  3. Great words. He who is in us is bigger and if we yield to him and his power he can do more. Praise God and thank you for sharing from your heart and soul. I agree it is easy to read cast all your anxiety on him because he cares but the application and the moments at night are often the hardest. I’m have had my quiet moments at night usually at 2or 3am where my thoughts take over and sleep won’t come. I like how you say talk to yourself and I’ve heard it said preach the gospel to yourself. I heard Ravi say we can chose to say thy will be done or my will be done. As a parent yielding to God’s will is hard for my will is to see my sons grow up and live a long and happy life. We haven’t had a phone call but we had one night where our son was coughing and we didn’t know what to do. We called the ambulance and my wife rode with my son and I readied my other son and then went to the hospital. I remember the whole way there praying to God not to take my Son. God healed him and we are grateful and I know this small compared to your trial. Talking to yourself with truth and praise songs is probably what James meant when he said: consider it pure joy when you face trials for it tests our faith and the perseverance through trial makes us stronger and more complete. May God bless and keep you and again thank you for sharing from your heart and trials. We as a church often hide our true selves and when we do share people are taken aback for people sometimes don’t want to talk about the emotional side of life. Yet Jesus wept and got angry. David was very emotional in his prayers so the emotions are not bad. It is what you do with them. Do you feel them and express them to a loving God who gave his only son and willing allowed himself to be separated from him for three days to save us or do you let your emotions take over the throne of your heart and control you and toss you back and forth like a ship lost at sea. God knows pain and suffering and he wants us to come to him in our true self and spirit. I’m grateful Monica that you and your husband chose to set your eyes on him. May God bless your blog and encourage all of us to walk more closely with God.

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    1. Wow Scott. That right there will preach. Thank you for sharing and encouraging us. Your comment could be the next post! Thank you for speaking truth here❤️

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  4. Beautifully written! Don’t have to know the specifics of any story to see God’s powerful hand at work and see him make beauty from ashes! I am inspired!

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  5. You are so right, Monica! Our pastor recently told us to lead our hearts, not follow them. That reminds me of what you are saying here. You are glorifying God through this blog.

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  6. Thank you for sharing your heart. it is very encouraging to see God at work in the lives of others. He has certainly seen me through some trials. He is always faithful! When we are in the middle of a trial, it may look hopeless, but God already has it solved. We just have to trust Him. I’m sure David could not understand why God was allowing him to be thrown in a pit and sold as a slave…but in time, God’s plan was revealed. I always find comfort in this.

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    1. You are a great example of faithfully walking out hard things. Watching you and talking to you has been such a great encouragement to me! So thank you for being such a great example of how to believe God for good things in the midst of bad things.

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  7. Thank you Monica for sharing. Your willingness to share will be honored by God and will be used for His glory! My thoughts and prayers for you and Chuck. All His Blessings!

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  8. The enemy wants us to believe that God is punishing us by allowing bad things to happen to us. What the enemy doesn’t want you to know is that God may take you through hardships but he never sends you through it alone. I have learned that when times are tough that is my reminder to turn to God and allow him to strengthen my faith knowing that there is a lesson I need to learn. I am so grateful that God has placed strong Christian women like you in my life to model this for me! I love you my friend!

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  9. Monica, thank you you for your honesty and openess. It is so encouraging to know that others are walking a unknown path that holds rocky and rough places. I am looking forward to more of your blogs. Love you, my friend.

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