Deeper Than I Thought

Recently I was going through the drive thru line at Goldfingers, listening to my Talking to Yourself playlist and pondering unbelief. Deep thoughts for the drive thru line, I know. And by the end of this blog…I’ve gone deeper than I first thought, but stick with me until the end.

God is looking for hearts that will believe He can do anything…even when it looks like we are losing and have no hope. Our Hope does not lie in our circumstances. Our Hope is in God alone. We are to maintain that relationship above all else.

So a few days ago I was sitting on Ross Clark Circle, in front of Harley Davidson, manning a drop off for a food drive. My friend, who has walked this journey of marriage and motherhood with me for over 23 years, came by and brought coffee. So many reasons to love her. She is not only full of wisdom, grace and mercy,….but she brings coffee. She’s a prize and I don’t deserve her.

As my friend and I drank our coffee and enjoyed the sunshine of the day, it wasn’t long before we moved to discussing the deep things in our hearts. Unbelief came up. I shared with her my Goldfingers drive through thoughts. She shared with me what she was learning about unbelief in a book she is reading. Some of the things she shared caused me to stop and ponder……

Two things God has revealed to me over the past few months. I have a scarcity mindset. And that is sinful. It reveals my lack of faith in God to provide for me. It reveals that I often think it’s up to me to provide and that I am afraid there will never be enough…time, energy, money, whatever….the list goes on. I am guilty of unbelief when I let this mindset rule in my life.

The second thing God revealed, and He did it through the conversation with my friend, is that I often have the mindset of an orphan. I forget who I am. A daughter of The King. I forget that the Lord is my Shepherd and I lack nothing. I forget that He has promised to never leave me. I will never be alone. I forget that God is in control. The outcome is not up to me, He is Sovereign over all. Again, unbelief is revealed in how I choose to think and respond. When I take my eyes off of Jesus, my focus is on my self and my circumstances. And that is wrong.

I believe in the promises of God. But because I am a sinful, weak human who easily forgets what God can do and that He is in control (NOT ME), I must remind myself often of the promises God has given me over the things I am believing Him for….He who has promised is faithful. I must maintain my relationship with Jesus over all these things that fight to distract me and pull me away from what matters and is true.

Over the past year and a half…I have learned to breath this verse like air…

“Yet, he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promises of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded the God had power to do what He had promised.” Romans 4:20

Sometimes life can throw us a curve ball. We may feel like it is all falling apart, but don’t lose hope. His ways are not our ways. He is working. If we are depending on Him, He will not fail us. But we are full of ourselves, wrong motives and sinful desires. These things must go. Suffering is part of the journey. It rids us of shallowness and teaches us compassion. The promises come, but the road is often long. But there is purpose. Don’t give up. Don’t quit.

Hebrews 4:2b “…but the message they heard was of no value to them because those who heard did not combine it with faith.”

Those words….”No value” haunt me. They heard the message but it was of no value because of their unbelief. They had no faith. We can sit in church or even read our bible, hearing the words, and even agreeing with them, but remain unchanged.

Hebrews 11:6 “ Without faith it is impossible to please Him.”

Oswald Chambers, In My Utmost for His Highest, said, “ Faith is a tremendously active Principle that always puts Jesus Christ first. The life of faith says, ‘Lord, You have said it, it appears to be irrational, but I’m going to step out boldly, trusting in Your Word.’ Turning intellectual faith into our personal possession is always a fight, not just sometimes……..Until we know Jesus, God is merely a concept, and we can’t have faith in Him. But once we hear Jesus say, ‘He who has seen Me has seen the Father’ (John 14:9) we immediately have something that is real, and our faith is limitless. Faith is the entire person in the right relationship with God through the power of the Spirit of Jesus Christ.”

This is a lot to take in…..and I am still thinking deeply about my faith and my struggle with unbelief. Life is full of challenges, bumps and falls. Disappointment and grief are part of it. It’s 5:26 am….and I have been up since 4 am. But I believe we need to wrestle through this stuff. Be honest. Be real about our lack of faith. We need to admit our sin of unbelief and acknowledge all the modern idols we turn to, instead of God. Let’s stop hiding and get clean before God and each other. Let’s remind each other of what is TRUE. Let’s reach beyond ourselves. Take off our mask and find freedom as we expose the lies that have hindered our walk with Jesus. Friends, let’s speak life over the darkness…….

7 The law of the Lord is perfect,
    reviving the soul;
the testimony of the Lord is sure,
    making wise the simple;
⁸ the precepts of the Lord are right,
    rejoicing the heart;
the commandment of the Lord is pure,
    enlightening the eyes;
⁹ the fear of the Lord is clean,
    enduring forever;
the rules of the Lord are true,
    and righteous altogether.
¹⁰ More to be desired are they than gold,
    even much fine gold;
sweeter also than honey
    and drippings of the honeycomb.
¹¹ Moreover, by them is your servant warned;
    in keeping them there is great reward.

¹² Who can discern his errors?
    Declare me innocent from hidden faults.
¹³ Keep back your servant also from presumptuous sins;
    let them not have dominion over me!
Then I shall be blameless,
    and innocent of great transgression.

¹⁴ Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart
    be acceptable in your sight,
    O Lord, my rock and my redeemer. Psalm 19: 7-17

Blessings,

Monica and Chuck